I’m Struggling To Find a Heartbeat
It’s been almost nine years since I first heard the words “struggling to find a heartbeat”.
It’s been almost nine years since I first heard the words “struggling to find a heartbeat”.
Time is so fluid, so abstract, so ethereal for a child… it’s a beautiful thought, isn’t it? To not feel the pressure of the constant ticking, to not be aware of the sand slipping through the centre of our hourglass of life.
Some days we need to feel whatever we feel. To face it. To sit down with it and let it speak. To listen to it. To allow it to be.
In my role as a senior leader of a secondary school, in charge of behaviour management, I was expected to be strict and stern. There was one problem with me in this role… I smile. I have weaknesses. I am human.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve uttered the words “I’ll get there”.
We spend so much of our lives with a weight of responsibility on our shoulders. Play can be an antidote to this exhaustion, this overwhelm, this weight we carry.
Imagine having no social media… nowhere to post, nowhere to scroll, nobody to follow. That was me. For ten years.
There are so many ways to capture your gratitude, but all that really matters is that you feel it and you notice the seemingly insignificant moments in your day that bring you joy.
It doesn’t matter – just start somewhere. As I was tidying out the dusty relics of careers gone by, I found a folder of assembly scripts and reflections I wrote years ago. One of them, written 10 years ago, caught my eye and I wanted to share part of it with you.